DAMMIT!
Our Own Life Has to Be Our Message. -Thich Naht Hanh
Easier said than done.
At least for me the Queen of lacking in Self-Acceptance.
2013 embarked a course of Speaking My Truth.
Admitting that there is a Problem is the first step to Recovery. That IS the Truth!!
Once upon a time I threw a piece of my Truth on the table for a small group to chew on. In hindsight, it was more like dishing out a whole box of crackers & saying Swallow: without water. It would have behooved us all to have started with an appetizer.
The Experience impaired my ability to move forward with those people. Even after I said that I wouldn’t.
Leading me to some very important Realizations:
- That I have a tendency to minimalize my own hurt feelings and sadness. Favoring instead a mask of Strength & Courage.
- My hiding from what’s really there hurts Everyone involved. Stagnating the Relationship.
- I care WAY too much about what other people think of me. And in turn become the harshest judge of all. EEK!!
- **Not speaking my Truth immediately damaged my ability to grow with a nice group of people.
- I appreciate Drama. Sometimes go for shock value.
Over the Summer a very wise Teacher said to me:
Do what you’re doing. Just live it fully.
In putting together this blog/site I am here pondering what aspects of my Self should be edited out. YIKES!!
Going one step further– in an effort to Speak My Truth more clearly I adopted a pen name in order to practice sharing my feelings publicly.
Doing it in secret eliminated the fear of being seen as vulnerable. Or, being held accountable for them. These days I’d rather cull it all into the one piece that is me.
NOTE: Emotions are strong!! They will suck you down & in. If you allow them. The ONLY way to have control over your emotions is to simply EXPRESS them. Once you let them out they are gone.
Still, I struggle & find it natural to hold back. Which is totally okay.
Now that I have identified this as my main issue my path has moved to seek out people, places & methods of bringing about a release. Safety First.
Why is all of this apparent tangent rant about emotions important to the title of this post? Well, Thor here believes that most people hide from their true emotions. Ergo, hiding from their true selves.
Wreaking havoc. On the Bodhi & in the Mind.
This Thor knows well how denying your True Being will only Force it to fight back against you. Talk about a Terror!
The real Truth is that most people possess a greater fear to LIVE than they do of dying. Because in order to truly live one must die many times.
Humility is a harsh teacher.
Her Lessons are Always Remembered.
My Life & Being are quite indicative of the Renaissance sweeping over us. It has swept through me & I’ve now come to the realization that my very Existence was set with Intention.
For this moment, ever present. The Experience is what has brought me here.
This site was constructed to represent my Professional Self. Oh, the all encompassing Carly- from this perspective it’s hard to say which parts of me will turn a greater profit.
(These days I’m packing boxes).
One thing is for sure, WRITING, is a quintessential aspect of my being.
: ) ( : 
thank you.
My pleasure!